Open on Donald Rumsfeld. He's on a street corner dialing a cellphone. He sighs softly and puts the phone up to his ear.
Rumsfeld: Hi George. It's me.
Bush: Rummy, you know you shouldn't be calling me.
Rumsfeld: Oh right. Sorry. What time is it there?
Bush: It's 8:15.
Rumfeld: Oh really? I'm sorry, I haven't slept in days. I've been working on this new theory to make our army more lethal while reducing the number of troops on the ground.
Bush: *with pangs of regret in his voice* Oh Donald. It's been 3 months now. I've moved on.
Rumsfeld: Oh I know, I know. I probably should have too.
Bush: Donald, where are you? You sound close.
*Bush looks out the window to see Rumsfeld standing on the sidewalk outside the White House fence*
Bush: Donald. Rummy, you look terrible. Have you been eating?
Rumsfeld: Look, I'm fine. I thought maybe we could meet up for lunch? Maybe even just coffee?
Bush: I don't think that's such a good idea. Look I can't really talk right now. Robert's in the next room.
Rumsfeld: Oh he is? Robert Gates is a nice guy. I can see you being happy with him.
Bush: Robert is very nice and he treats me well. *pause* Look, Donald, you know I'll always love you.
Rumsfeld: I know, I know. I also was no good for you. You deserved better.
Bush: *sigh* I wouldn't say that. Don't beat yourself up over this.
Rumsfeld: Well I wanted to try and make it up to you. That whole Iraq thing wasn't the best anniversary gift in the world.
Bush: It was fine, Donald. I loved it. I knew what I was getting into with you. Look, I really should go.
Rumsfeld: Just hear me out. People are complaining about our brave men and women dying, right? Well what if we got someone else to fight the war instead? Something the American people don't care about?
Bush: Gays?
Rumsfeld: Even better.
Bush: Gay robots?
Rumsfeld: Come on George. Be serious.
Bush: Rummy, look I have to go. Robert's coming and I don't want him to know I'm talking to you.
Rumsfeld: I don't want to give too much away, but I caught Jurassic Park the other day and I've been scouring ebay for pieces of amber. If I can get the right one we could clone dinosaur soldiers to do the figh...
*Robert Gates comes into the room, wearing a robe and slippers. Panic briefly flashes over George's face.*
Bush: *stuttering* I'm, I'm sorry I don't have time for your survey right now. Thank you and God bless america!
Robert: Who was that?
Bush: It was nothing.
Robert: Are you sure? You look like you've seen a ghost.
Bush: I'm fine. Finish getting ready Robert.
*Bush turns away from Robert to gaze out his window. Rumsfeld has disappeared into the early morning bussle. Bush puts his hand gently on the window and scans the faces of the crowd, as a single tear rolls his cheek.*
Bush: Take care Rummy. *choking back a sob* You magnificent bastard.