STEVE "PROCRASTINATION" DEANE or THE STORY ABOUT HOW I FUCKED UP THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME: a response in 3 parts.
Wow. I'm completely depressed now. It's like scratching a winning lottery ticket, then spazzing out in joy and accidentally scraping off that "Void" box. I would have killed to find a box of porn. Considering "the talk" from my parents consisted of.....well absolutely nothing, finding a big box of sexual education would have done wonders for my formative years. All I had around to reference regarding the female angles of penis/vagina intercourse was a bi-annual Sears cataloge and Harlequin novels. Do you know what was out in the 1990's? Men referring to erections as their "throbbing manhood, straining against the seams of the codpiece", that's what. Ladies were also not as prone to "verily swooning, thrusting forth their heaving bosom in rapture" as I was lead to believe. You can imagine what a shock it was to find out from my first serious girlfried that not all women's underwear was cut like the sail on clipper ship. Stupid sexy illustrations of Sears' items on sale.
I wonder if somewhere on the wide world of "internet" someone has written a story on their blog about how they found the sweetest box of porn known to man. It'd probably start out talking about these "weirdos" they used to see down by the river. They'd be down there everyday floating random trash through a tube because they were too jackassey (read: not radical enough) to play Nintendo. Then they'd probably go on to talk about how awesome the porn was and how "my buddy totally thought I couldn't jack off to the chello chick again, but I showed his ass (not literally 'cause that's gay LOL!)" The post would wrap up with some sort of hackney pseudo-deep statement about how that box is a metaphor for life and it made them the man/woman he/she is today. Preferrably that person isn't a complete sexual deviant, but who knows. At least if they were we'd have some evidence from their blog to present in court.
If you ever find that post, we should totally kick the shit out of them.
Also I did a search for "dirty gutters" and Google gave me this. I think Google is racist.
Wow. I'm completely depressed now. It's like scratching a winning lottery ticket, then spazzing out in joy and accidentally scraping off that "Void" box. I would have killed to find a box of porn. Considering "the talk" from my parents consisted of.....well absolutely nothing, finding a big box of sexual education would have done wonders for my formative years. All I had around to reference regarding the female angles of penis/vagina intercourse was a bi-annual Sears cataloge and Harlequin novels. Do you know what was out in the 1990's? Men referring to erections as their "throbbing manhood, straining against the seams of the codpiece", that's what. Ladies were also not as prone to "verily swooning, thrusting forth their heaving bosom in rapture" as I was lead to believe. You can imagine what a shock it was to find out from my first serious girlfried that not all women's underwear was cut like the sail on clipper ship. Stupid sexy illustrations of Sears' items on sale.
I wonder if somewhere on the wide world of "internet" someone has written a story on their blog about how they found the sweetest box of porn known to man. It'd probably start out talking about these "weirdos" they used to see down by the river. They'd be down there everyday floating random trash through a tube because they were too jackassey (read: not radical enough) to play Nintendo. Then they'd probably go on to talk about how awesome the porn was and how "my buddy totally thought I couldn't jack off to the chello chick again, but I showed his ass (not literally 'cause that's gay LOL!)" The post would wrap up with some sort of hackney pseudo-deep statement about how that box is a metaphor for life and it made them the man/woman he/she is today. Preferrably that person isn't a complete sexual deviant, but who knows. At least if they were we'd have some evidence from their blog to present in court.
If you ever find that post, we should totally kick the shit out of them.
Also I did a search for "dirty gutters" and Google gave me this. I think Google is racist.
posted by Nick at 12:43 PM
7 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
That's right, delete your comments! I fucking cut you from stem to stern!
you didn't even have a friend whose dad had a collection of Playboys in the attic. And i thought I was sexually repressed.
(BTW thank you Jason Curns's Dad where ever you are. It was a great break from Ikari Warriors)
Also and I quote,
"Brisk handjobs for everyone involved if we keep this thing going beyond November 15."
So I'm bringing up some Dove Skin Cream and a pair of gloves up with me for Thanksgiving.
Congrats everyone I thought this thing would fizzle before Halloween.
My friend's dad didnt have the famed Playboy collection. He DID have what seemed to be every issue of Cheri, Genesis, Club, and Nugget. He is also responsible for the first porno movie I saw.
There's your fucking comment, Nick.
age 13 when we got cinemax
the porno version of cinderella with her snappin' pussy
I can't BEEEE Lieve you gonna bring up old shit like that. And just remember how Bam Morris owned your ass.
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