A Sure Sign of Growing Older. Just not gracefully
I have resisted growing up and getting older for years. There is a part of me that still thinks that I am 22. I like pop punk, I still have a sort of aggressive hair style, I laugh at Jackass, and really just want to play in a band and spend my time drinking outside in the sunshine.
Sadly this cant happen forever. I wish it could. I have finally realized that that part of my life is over. Like hoping for Ray Combs to make a comeback and host Family Feud again, there is just no chance. It’s done.
Why this fatalist outlook on growing up?
Because.
Why?
Because.
Come on, why?
Because. I. Am. Going. Bald.
So what, lots of guys are shaving their heads now.
I’m not talking about the hair on my head.
…
I’m losing my leg hair. My legs are going bald.
In the six years that I have effectively been in the work force, I have been relegated to wearing the black mid calf socks instead of just flip flops that I so desire. Like the population of Bhopal, India in the 1980’s my leg hair is being wiped from the planet. Only this time Union Carbide had nothing to do with it. Unless, of course they have a controlling stake in Gold Toe.
Now I am not a very hairy man. I cant even grow a full beard. I’m not so sure that I could even wear a fake beard without it looking spotty. The point is that I never really worried about that. Now when I go to the beach this summer, people are going to think that I shave that part of my legs for swimming or some other retarded reason. It would make sense, as the hair next to your ankles can create an awful lot of drag when fleeing a shark or a moray.
If this is the double entendre that Sox Appeal is referring to, I can do without it. I am old before my time. I am considering cutting the elastic out of all my socks and bringing back the sox suspenders of yesteryear. So when you get your invite to a benefit dinner to Save the LH, know that it isn’t to Save the Laotian Hogpile ( a wrestling move that is banned in 92 countries), it’s to save my leg hair.
I wonder if Rogaine would work.
I have resisted growing up and getting older for years. There is a part of me that still thinks that I am 22. I like pop punk, I still have a sort of aggressive hair style, I laugh at Jackass, and really just want to play in a band and spend my time drinking outside in the sunshine.
Sadly this cant happen forever. I wish it could. I have finally realized that that part of my life is over. Like hoping for Ray Combs to make a comeback and host Family Feud again, there is just no chance. It’s done.
Why this fatalist outlook on growing up?
Because.
Why?
Because.
Come on, why?
Because. I. Am. Going. Bald.
So what, lots of guys are shaving their heads now.
I’m not talking about the hair on my head.
…
I’m losing my leg hair. My legs are going bald.
In the six years that I have effectively been in the work force, I have been relegated to wearing the black mid calf socks instead of just flip flops that I so desire. Like the population of Bhopal, India in the 1980’s my leg hair is being wiped from the planet. Only this time Union Carbide had nothing to do with it. Unless, of course they have a controlling stake in Gold Toe.
Now I am not a very hairy man. I cant even grow a full beard. I’m not so sure that I could even wear a fake beard without it looking spotty. The point is that I never really worried about that. Now when I go to the beach this summer, people are going to think that I shave that part of my legs for swimming or some other retarded reason. It would make sense, as the hair next to your ankles can create an awful lot of drag when fleeing a shark or a moray.
If this is the double entendre that Sox Appeal is referring to, I can do without it. I am old before my time. I am considering cutting the elastic out of all my socks and bringing back the sox suspenders of yesteryear. So when you get your invite to a benefit dinner to Save the LH, know that it isn’t to Save the Laotian Hogpile ( a wrestling move that is banned in 92 countries), it’s to save my leg hair.
I wonder if Rogaine would work.
posted by Old Overholt at 8:02 AM
2 Comments:
There is only one true host of the Feud. Dick Dawson. There is no other, self-inflicted gunshot wound or not.
Union Carbide references ain't for Bill Moyers Q + A's anymore.
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