Production Blog for the Yet Untitled J. Robert Tierney Web Project. 12/29/2007

Why I decided to act again.

Short answer: Laziness.

The other answer: If you could have seen me at the height of my game[1]. It was the 80’s, the only tape I owned was the Back the Future soundtrack[2] and I was playing the title role in “Shaping Up Santa.” It was a story of eating disorders and addiction and my solo, “Hot Fudge Sundae,” so moved the sixth grade teacher, Mr. Kellogg, he declared that very night, “Well I know who’s gonna be my lead next year.”

But I wasn’t the lead next year. My talent was relegated to the ancillary but wordy role of reading the Declaration of Independence to a revolutionary classroom. The scene would be a single wooden tent pole propping up a even woodsyer production. It was frustrating but out of my hands.

Believing that no one would let me do the great work I knew in my heart existed, I turned my focus to someday becoming the closer for the Boston Red Sox. I never looked back, but it was only junior high, there was little to look back on.

When I got tired of people finding reasons not to produce my pilots and having never developed that devastating slider/ change up/ curveball/anything, I decided to go ahead and create my own show. With no money and no sets and no crew, no one I had in mind for the main role liked me enough to work one weekend a month for just under a year, for free. I could barely trust myself to show up. But at least then I would only have myself to blame.

I remember when I finished, “Hot Fudge Sundae” in front of a packed Howe Manning Elementary gym, how relieved I was that the house lights kept me from being able to see anyone sitting just beyond the three point line. I couldn’t tell whether anyone liked it or not, it just felt good. Sure part of me, a fat awkward 10 year old part of me, wanted the rush again. Maybe it was the fat 10 year old that wrote such a juicy wet suit part that I couldn’t not take it. And I did look the part of a douchebag[3].

Since, I’ve rolled through most of the footage and it’s OK. I’m neither as bad or as good as I thought I’d be. I’m not nervous about putting it out there anymore, but I’ll be glad that I can’t see your immediate reaction.

---

[1] As high as you can get without hair below your eyebrows.

[2] It was a simpler time.

[3] Why do you think douchebag needs to be spell checked? Does Massengill not exist in Seattle?

Things I've learned... this week

I'm going to start writing several of these in case I get famous and Esquire asks me to do a Things I learned article.


The things they are doing with Legos these days makes me wish I was 8.

Missing the flavor of fellatio: someone makes dick flavored chapstick.

Rick Moranis looks "jowly" in person.

Pantone 19-1557 is the color of the year.

There is a color of the year.

I have no idea who at least 30% of the bands who made albums of the year are. Like the National.

There was a Bond film where Bond has a third nipple, dresses as an Asian person, and goes for a girl named Chu Mi.

KNOW WHAT I HATE? 12/17/07

I hate people who remind me that the Thai people don't use chopsticks. I don't give a fuck. If I'm eating Asian, I use chopsticks cause it's balls awesome.

And I hate Micha Barton's waste of second career. Oooo you gossip.

Justin and Nick are pumped about Mitchell Report Day.

From the morning of Dec 13th:

jrtincincinati (11:03:00 AM): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

ThaiBermuda (11:02:02 AM): ?

jrtincincinati (11:03:41 AM): clemens and petitte named

ThaiBermuda (11:02:41 AM): yeah

jrtincincinati (11:04:06 AM): happy mitchell day

ThaiBermuda (11:02:50 AM): but in the unofficial report i read so was Tek and Pujols

jrtincincinati (11:04:14 AM): thats fine

jrtincincinati (11:04:41 AM): look at tek's legs

jrtincincinati (11:04:58 AM): and as long as al doesnt get suspended

jrtincincinati (11:05:07 AM): but clemens

jrtincincinati (11:05:10 AM): fist pump

ThaiBermuda (11:04:07 AM): the only plus of tek getting named is that people HAVE to stfu around here about Bonds

jrtincincinati (11:06:03 AM): im fine with that

jrtincincinati (11:06:13 AM): i shut the fuck up about bonds years ago

jrtincincinati (11:06:36 AM): when it was obvious everyone was doing it

jrtincincinati (11:06:47 AM): i hope they nail mcgwire to the wall too

ThaiBermuda (11:07:46 AM): it'll be interesting to see

ThaiBermuda (11:09:05 AM): people are backing off the report i was just reading

ThaiBermuda (11:09:18 AM): so we're back to roger and andy only officiallyu

rtincincinati (11:12:14 AM): I really hope the "trainer" for the yankees turns out to be jason giambi

ThaiBermuda (11:26:59 AM): i'm now more concerned with my commute home than i am steroids

jrtincincinati (11:37:03 AM): walk home from the train

ThaiBermuda (11:35:54 AM): i take a bus

jrtincincinati (11:37:17 AM): thats right

ThaiBermuda (11:36:05 AM): and my car is in a lot that has no roof

jrtincincinati (11:37:23 AM): well good luck

ThaiBermuda (11:36:10 AM): yeah i'm pretty much fucked

ThaiBermuda (11:36:17 AM): then i get to go home and shovel

jrtincincinati (11:46:13 AM): i just told Ben Brown that roids killed Kirby

jrtincincinati (11:46:24 AM): and made him a sexual deviant

jrtincincinati (12:52:01 PM): is this all im getting

jrtincincinati (12:52:08 PM): clemens and pettitte

jrtincincinati (12:52:13 PM): cmon

jrtincincinati (1:01:33 PM): here's the biggest non surprise so far

jrtincincinati (1:01:38 PM): Brian Roberts

ThaiBermuda (1:00:26 PM): haha no shit

jrtincincinati (1:01:56 PM): chuck knoblach ill admit i didnt see coming

ThaiBermuda (1:00:54 PM): where are you getting these names?

jrtincincinati (1:02:16 PM): cnnsi

ThaiBermuda (1:01:03 PM): ah

ThaiBermuda (1:01:07 PM): don't go by that

jrtincincinati (1:02:34 PM): i lov speculation

jrtincincinati (1:03:00 PM): well Roberts and Tejada were probably sharing a fucking needle

ThaiBermuda (1:01:53 PM): haha

ThaiBermuda (1:01:54 PM): no shit

ThaiBermuda (1:02:17 PM): i'm not believing anything until 2 though

jrtincincinati (1:03:34 PM): double play combo

ThaiBermuda (1:02:26 PM): there was a huge list going around that was fake

jrtincincinati (1:03:45 PM): way 2 b by the book

jrtincincinati (1:03:50 PM): that sux

jrtincincinati (1:03:57 PM): i would totally do that though

jrtincincinati (1:06:10 PM): no one likes waiting

ThaiBermuda (1:28:28 PM): oh snaps

ThaiBermuda (1:28:30 PM): Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts also is in the report, as is Yankees and Braves postseason hero David Justice

jrtincincinati (1:30:06 PM): nice

jrtincincinati (1:30:19 PM): thats explains dumping halle berry

jrtincincinati (1:30:21 PM): finally

jrtincincinati (1:32:12 PM): i lov that they drag bob ley out for the day

jrtincincinati (1:32:20 PM): to do the "serious" reporting

jrtincincinati (1:32:25 PM): about games

ThaiBermuda (1:31:50 PM): go and rouse him in the Outside the Lines studio where he rests in a sleeping bag on the floor

jrtincincinati (1:33:25 PM): they dont even giv him pants

jrtincincinati (1:33:34 PM): justa tie with suit jacket

jrtincincinati (1:33:39 PM): that has the shirt stitched in

jrtincincinati (1:35:47 PM): but the sleeping bad has the OTL logo on it

jrtincincinati (1:58:04 PM): 3 min to magic time

ThaiBermuda (1:56:51 PM): yep

ThaiBermuda (1:56:53 PM): eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

jrtincincinati (1:58:37 PM): its gonna take at least a day before some one actually reads it

jrtincincinati (1:58:51 PM): and not just runs through it with a highlighter on their blog

jrtincincinati (1:59:57 PM): george is just beeming with the attention

ThaiBermuda (1:59:02 PM): Jose Canseco is in the room. Awesome. It's the sports equivalent of releasing an AIDS study with that dude who had sex with a monkey hanging around.

jrtincincinati (2:03:54 PM): blah blah blah george

jrtincincinati (2:04:00 PM): get to rog

jrtincincinati (2:07:55 PM): still not at rog

jrtincincinati (2:08:08 PM): people here are shocked about Rocket

ThaiBermuda (2:07:22 PM): hahaha Jack Cust

jrtincincinati (2:09:59 PM): lolz

jrtincincinati (2:10:36 PM): iz can has stare-roids

jrtincincinati (2:12:35 PM): im still betting on pokie reese

jrtincincinati (2:14:25 PM): george we are here for names

jrtincincinati (2:14:31 PM): not your speculations

ThaiBermuda (2:19:26 PM): hahaha

ThaiBermuda (2:19:29 PM): donnelley

ThaiBermuda (2:19:32 PM): gregg zaun

ThaiBermuda (2:19:36 PM): glenallen hill

jrtincincinati (2:21:36 PM): glenallen hill!

ThaiBermuda (2:20:46 PM): mike lansing

jrtincincinati (2:22:04 PM): and bredan only got non tendered just yesterday

jrtincincinati (2:22:09 PM): laser!

ThaiBermuda (2:21:25 PM): kent mercker

jrtincincinati (2:23:14 PM): roids = brain aneurism

jrtincincinati (2:23:27 PM): r u reading that actual report?

ThaiBermuda (2:22:16 PM): yeah

jrtincincinati (2:23:37 PM): nice

jrtincincinati (2:24:09 PM): find tek yet?

ThaiBermuda (2:23:00 PM): nah he's not in there

ThaiBermuda (2:23:02 PM): no pujols either

ThaiBermuda (2:23:19 PM): fernando vina

ThaiBermuda (2:23:27 PM): SURPRISE!

ThaiBermuda (2:23:31 PM): kevin brown

ThaiBermuda (2:24:19 PM): haha matt herges

jrtincincinati (2:27:35 PM): kevin brown's slider ain't natural

ThaiBermuda (2:27:37 PM): HAHAHAHA JIM PARQUE!!!!!!

jrtincincinati (2:31:46 PM): the guy who got traded for wells and then disappeared for life

jrtincincinati (2:34:37 PM): listen kids

jrtincincinati (2:34:48 PM): roids will make you forget that you play for a team

jrtincincinati (2:35:11 PM): they never listened to Lyle Alzado

jrtincincinati (2:38:33 PM): wheres Dwayne Hosey in all of this

jrtincincinati (2:38:35 PM): keep readin

jrtincincinati (2:39:13 PM): oh not you too Paul Lo Duca

jrtincincinati (2:39:20 PM): you were the everyman's hero

jrtincincinati (2:43:32 PM): and jason grimsley has flowery checks

jrtincincinati (2:46:26 PM): didnt anyone think to pay in cash

jrtincincinati (2:46:50 PM): Y didnt you tell me Mo Vaughn was in there

ThaiBermuda (2:45:51 PM): because i am busy trying to leave at 3

jrtincincinati (2:47:51 PM): denny neagle should written in the memo line: To screw over Rockies

ThaiBermuda (2:47:45 PM): memo: to impress hookers

jrtincincinati (2:49:22 PM): that was actually on Larry Bigbie's checks

jrtincincinati (2:49:57 PM): he should hav used more

ThaiBermuda (2:51:38 PM): I always thought F.P. Santangelo was on the juice. Little Expos fucker.

jrtincincinati (2:53:09 PM): next is Junior Felix

jrtincincinati (2:53:13 PM): keep skimmin

ThaiBermuda (2:53:43 PM): i'm leaving soon i told you!

ThaiBermuda (2:53:45 PM): sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

ThaiBermuda (2:53:50 PM): read your own reports

jrtincincinati (2:55:16 PM): i just made that one up

jrtincincinati (2:55:41 PM): i mean whats more important

jrtincincinati (2:55:49 PM): seeing your wife and kid at a decent hour

jrtincincinati (2:55:55 PM): or reading me the mitchell report

ThaiBermuda (2:54:49 PM): well i would like to get home before all 12 inches fall

jrtincincinati (2:56:18 PM): move to ny

jrtincincinati (2:56:24 PM): theres only 2 - 4 here

jrtincincinati (3:13:36 PM): ok im bored now

ThaiBermuda (3:12:27 PM): sorry

jrtincincinati (3:13:46 PM): but it was fun while it lasted

jrtincincinati (3:13:55 PM): its not your fault

ThaiBermuda (3:13:11 PM): i'm going home to find a private education loan and probably do some work

ThaiBermuda (3:13:13 PM): fun!

jrtincincinati (3:14:31 PM): john rocker should have had his picture on the cover

jrtincincinati (3:14:52 PM): i like gagne gettin nabbed

ThaiBermuda (3:13:53 PM): except for the fact that they told theo he did roids and they still went for him

jrtincincinati (3:15:53 PM): well theo's learned from his mistake now hasn't he

jrtincincinati (3:16:01 PM): roids makes for bad set up men

jrtincincinati (3:16:30 PM): btw i'd like to give myself a big ol pat on the back for the Mike Stanton

jrtincincinati (3:17:25 PM): and i thought Wally Joyner already said he didnt inhale

ThaiBermuda (3:18:01 PM): 'haha

ThaiBermuda (3:18:07 PM): i guessed kent mercker

ThaiBermuda (3:18:09 PM): so i'm pumped

ThaiBermuda (3:18:33 PM): alright dude

ThaiBermuda (3:18:36 PM): i'm going to try and go home

ThaiBermuda (3:18:37 PM): later

jrtincincinati (3:19:58 PM): good luck amigo

jrtincincinati (3:20:09 PM): god speed

ThaiBermuda (3:18:59 PM): i think i might need it

What I Learned About Black People Today.

Today, through my co worker Keith, I found out that black people also cried when Optimus Prime died in Transformers: The Movie. But he also thought that Duke died during G.I. Joe The Movie. Which did not happen.

For the record:

Died:
Ironhide
Jazz
Optimus Prime
No one on G.I. Joe

Not dead:
Duke
Cobra Commander
Hot Rod

Revived from the dead:
Megatron into Galvatron

Know what I hate....

OPEN LETTER TO DUANE READE EMPLOYEES

Dear You Guys,

There are an increasing number of you guys who have fallen into the appauling inclination of saying, "Next on line." Instead of "in line." As if I was looking for WiFi.

Future terms I will accept:

Que it up.
Next.
Move ya ass.
Cocks up.
Bring it.
annnnnnnnnnnnd
Fatty with the Peanut Butter M&M's I'm waiting.

But no more "on line"

Thank you.
It would be nice.

Concerned Citizen